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Still Their Dad

If allegations are made about you

Few things are more frightening than being accused of harming your own child or your ex, especially when the time you get with your children may hang on it. This page is about getting through it the right way.

First, a straight word. Abuse is real, and the family court takes it seriously because it has to. The process exists to protect children, and that is a good thing. Whether the allegations against you are true, untrue, or somewhere in between, the way you respond from here really matters, for the case and for your children.

How it works

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If allegations are made that matter to the decision, the court may hold a fact-finding hearing to decide what actually happened (see what happens at court). The things to hold on to:

  • It is decided on the balance of probabilities, what most likely happened, and the person making the allegation has to prove it.
  • Until the judge makes findings, an allegation is not a fact, however firmly it is stated.
  • In the meantime the court may put interim arrangements in place, such as supervised or reduced contact, while it sorts things out. That is a holding position, not the final word, and not a finding against you.

How to conduct yourself

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This is the part you control, so use it well.

  • Stay calm and dignified. Do not retaliate, do not fire off angry messages, and do not breach any order, not once. From here on, your conduct is part of the evidence, and steadiness counts for a lot.
  • Get legal advice quickly. Allegations of abuse are not the place to go it alone if you can help it. Ask about legal aid: it is limited for a person who is accused, but get proper advice on where you stand.
  • Engage fully and honestly. Do not refuse to take part, and do not try to minimise or spin. Cafcass and social workers are forming a view of how you come across, and an open, child-focused parent is exactly what they are looking for.
  • Answer the allegations properly. You will usually be asked to respond to each allegation in writing and to file a statement. Be specific and factual. Address what is alleged; do not turn it into a character attack on the other parent.
  • Keep a clear, dated record of anything genuinely relevant, like messages and who was where and when. Never manufacture or coach evidence. Courts are very good at spotting it, and it wrecks your credibility.
  • Follow any interim order to the letter, and only contact the other parent in the ways you are allowed to.

You will not have to question your accuser yourself

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One fear worth putting to rest. You will not be made to cross-examine the other parent yourself. Since the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, a person accused of abuse cannot question the alleged victim in person. Instead the court appoints a Qualified Legal Representative to do that part for you. So you do not have to face that, and you should not try to.

If you believe the allegations are untrue

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If you genuinely believe the allegations are untrue, the way to deal with it is not to go to war. The court’s whole job here is to work out what happened, so put your account calmly and let the fact-finding do that. If there is real evidence that a child has been influenced or coached, your solicitor can put that to the court properly. What does not work is turning every hearing into an attack on the other parent. It makes you look like the problem, and it pulls focus away from the children.

After the findings

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If the allegations are not proved, the welfare case carries on and the focus shifts back to rebuilding your children’s relationship with you, often after a painful gap. If some things are found against you, the most useful thing you can show the court is insight: that you understand the impact and have done something about it. Either way, the children’s welfare is what the court is deciding, so keep coming back to them.

Where to get real help

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Last reviewed: 17 June 2026. The law and court process change, so check the official links above before you rely on anything here.