Does my child have to go to contact if they don't want to?

Short answer: you cannot force a child to come, and the older they are the more their wishes count. But “doesn’t want to” is not the end of it. What matters is that both parents keep encouraging the relationship, rather than forcing it or giving up on it.

The legal bit, briefly

A child arrangements order is an order about what the adults do, not what the child does. The parent the child lives with is expected to make the child available and to positively encourage the time with the other parent. Nobody expects you to physically force a child, especially a teenager, and a court would not want that either.

Why it happens, and why it usually is not the end

Children pull away for all sorts of reasons, especially around 12 to 14. Their own lives take over, they test boundaries, and they pick up on tension between the adults. It is often nothing you have done, and it often passes. Reading it as rejection and backing off is the thing most likely to make it stick.

What helps

Stay steady and keep showing up. Do not punish, guilt-trip or quiz them about it.
Keep it low-pressure and let them lead where you can: a text, a lift to football, a short visit rather than a whole weekend.
Do not make them choose between you, and do not use them to carry messages.
If there is a clear pattern and you think they are being influenced, keep a calm, dated note and get advice, but do not turn it into a war.

There is more on this in helping children through separation and handovers and routines.

Where to get real help

Cafcass: how the court hears children’s wishes and feelings.
Child Law Advice (Coram): contact and child arrangements explained.

Last reviewed: 18 June 2026. Check the official links above before you rely on anything here.