First message proposing arrangements
This is for opening the conversation about a routine, or asking for a specific change. The aim is short, warm and practical. For why this tone matters so much, see talking it through with the other parent.
How to use this
Section titled “How to use this”- Keep it short, warm and practical. Assume a judge might one day read it.
- Lead with the child, not with blame or the past.
- Offer something concrete, then offer to be flexible.
- Ask “are you happy in principle?” rather than demanding confirmation by a deadline. Don’t use “if I don’t hear back I’ll assume you agree” on routine matters: it reads as a threat and triggers a defensive reply.
Starting a routine
Section titled “Starting a routine”Hi [name],
I'd like us to sort out a steady routine for [child] so they know what to expect week to week.
Could we try [for example: every other weekend, Friday after school to Sunday evening, plus a midweek tea on [day]]? I'm happy to be flexible and to talk it through, and mediation is an option too if it helps us agree.
Whatever we land on, I want [child] to feel settled and to know we're both still here for them. Let me know what works for you.
Thanks,
[Your name]
Asking for a specific change (a trip or a swap)
Section titled “Asking for a specific change (a trip or a swap)”Hi [name],
I'd like to [take [child] away for a few days over [period] / swap [day] for [day] this fortnight].
Here are the details up front: [what], [rough dates], [general area and where we'd be staying], and I'll be reachable on [number] throughout. I'll confirm the exact return date once it's booked.
[Child]'s usual time with you won't lose out, and I'm happy to swap days if that helps. Are you happy in principle? Glad to talk anything through.
Happy for us both to share these details for any trip away, on the basis we each do the same. It just means we can always reach each other.
Thanks,
[Your name]